[MUSIC PLAYING] The Trumpito
had a big weekend. And Saturday, US forces
killed an ISIS leader. And on Sunday, Trump
gave a bat-shit press conference about it. Last night, the United States
brought the world’s number one terrorist leader to justice. Abu Bakr– [LAUGHTER] Yo, you know that shit
was spelled phonetically on the prompter, pro. It was like ah– boo. It was like emojis,
like ah– ghost-emoji. DESUS: Oh shit. [LAUGHTER] Like– he was like ah– boo Halloween Bakr. Yo, he sounds like when you
hit translate tweet on Twitter. [LAUGHTER] You don’t really know what
it means like, yo, I think. Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi is dead. He sounds like if he
had seder, like, uh. [LAUGHTER] Bah-rok ah-toi ah-doe-noy
ah-woe-meh-noo. Take your time, baby. Thank you. [LAUGHTER] You know, these
people are very smart. They’re not into the use
of cell phones anymore. They’re not– they’re very
technically brilliant. You know, they use
the internet better than almost anybody
in the world perhaps other than Donald Trump. I knew he was
going to– oh my god! That was coming I knew he was going
to say that shit. DESUS: You knew he was
going to say that shit. I knew that shit was coming.
God damn! You know, he’s
still using Netscape. You don’t know nothing! Oh, motherfucker. He said, yo, just holler at
me, Real Donald Trump at AOL dot com. A beautiful dog,
a talented dog, was injured and brought back. – You know that–
– A talented dog? What the fuck–
what do you mean? He watched Paw Patrol
on the plane there. [LAUGHTER] He don’t know what
the fuck happened. Big shout out to
my nigga, Rebel. He came through with a little
crane thing, held it down. Salute. [LAUGHTER] He’s giving him the
Medal of Freedom next week. [LAUGHTER] We had no soldier injured. And they did a lot of shooting,
and they did a lot of blasting. Even not going through
the front door. You know, you would think
you go through the door. If you’re a normal person,
you say, knock-knock, may I come in? You know, Obama at home
watches this shit like, Michelle. Yo, come look at this shit.
Yo, come look at this shit. [LAUGHTER]
– Michelle. – Now look at this shit.
– One second. Loo– loo– loo– look it.
Look. Look it.
– This clown. You know, if you
read my book, there is a book just before the
World Trade Center came down. Are we at the? The what? Are we at the merch
section of the speech? Yo, what is–
[LAUGHTER] I got t-shirts
available if you want it. We got the Square cash reader.
– Yeah. Taking order forms. And in that book, about a year
before the World Trade Center was blown up, I said, there is
somebody named Osama bin Laden. You better kill him
or take him out. But I saw this man tall,
handsome, very charismatic. Did he f–k Osama bin Laden? [LAUGHTER] He’s like, I slip
him that tongue. [INAUDIBLE] Great. We tried the camel. [LAUGHTER] Problematic night [LAUGHTER] Eh. But nobody ever heard
of Osama bin Laden until really the
World Trade Center. To this day, I get
people coming up to me. They said, you know what one
of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen about you? Is that you predicted
that Osama bin Laden– Nobody says that, Don. Nobody– nobody says this. I feel like he talks to himself
while he’s taking a shit. – Yeah.
– And he just takes like notes. Yeah. He’s like, yo,
somebody told me this. It was you. You told yourself that while
you were taking a shit. You eat too many
fucking Big Macs. He’s doing that while he’s
doing that wild comboever while he hairsprays. He said, you know what? You’re the only one that
knew about Osama bin Laden. [LAUGHTER] He’s like, got it. You got it. Loop these
motherfuckers around. You got it. You got it. You’re wrapping
a doobie and shit. Like with the pins and shit. He’s like, no-one can tell. Yeah. If you go back,
look at my book. I think it was “The
America We Deserve.” Stop trying to
get motherfuckers to buy your book, dog! [LAUGHTER] Stop! Just drop the spoilers, bro.
That’s it. Nobody cares. You know, on
Sunday night, Donald went to the World Series game
expecting a hero’s welcome. But video taken by
reporters showed out that it didn’t turn out that way. Eh-oh, here come
the Boo-birds. Boo. – Boo.
– Boo. Boo. Get the fuck out of here. Get that nigga out of there! Looks like
motherfucking trash. Get the fuck out of here. What was he– what did he
thought was going to happen? [LAUGHTER] Fam, I was boo-ing
in my living room. I can’t even imagine if
I was there in real life. Well, here he is
realizing that people hate his fucking guts in real time. It’s mad satisfying. [MUSIC PLAYING] INTERCOM: Tonight we are joined
by the president and first lady of the United States. DESUS: He’s like, oh, wow. He’s like, I was
on the Jumbotron. MERO: Hey. I was on Jumbotron, wow. – Look at me go!
– Wow. Hey, look.
It’s me. Hey. [SINGING] He was like, yo,
we on the kiss cam. Melania was like, no, no. No, no, no. No. No, sorry it’s a dump. He’s dumb. [LAUGHTER] [JEERING] They boo’ing you fam. Look at. Melania figured it out first. She was like, oh, shit. She was like, oh, goddamn. He was like, I
just keep clapping. Yeah, that moment when
you realize your friends don’t fuck with your
man, she was like, awe. [LAUGHTER] Awe. So I shouldn’t bring
Tyrone to the girls’ night? They was like, no,
bitch, we told you! Seriously, it’s
called girls’ night. [MUSIC PLAYING]