My First Job


My first job was at a hardware store. I just needed a job for the summer, you know? Get a little extra cash, buy a laptop, for…
school. And when the application asked “When are you
available?” I was like uh, ALWAYS! It’s summer, dummy! Which was a mistake! Cuz it got me the job. On the first day, we did the whole orientation
thing. They taught us the history of the company
and how to use the registers. This was my first job, so I had no idea what
to expect, and I really wanted to do well, so I was paying close attention, and taking
notes. I don’t want to brag (I do) but I’m pretty
smart. I graduated High School a whole year early,
so I know how to pay attention. Fun Fact: The first store in the chain I worked
at put empty boxes on the top shelves to make it look like they had more of everything in
stock. I know this, because I paid attention. Early on, I was scheduled for the opening
shift, so I had to be at the store at like 5:30 in the morning. There was a strict protocol for opening the
store. Everyone was supposed to wait in their cars
until the manager walked outside and signaled for them to come in. If he didn’t walk out by a certain time, we
were supposed to call the cops. Easy! The only problem was, they didn’t tell us
that during orientation. And I know, because I paid attention. So I showed up early, parked my car, and headed
to the building. There was another employee out front, watering
the flowers. I went up to the automatic doors, but they
didn’t open. So I thought I’d ask the flower guy. And he was like “When did you say you were
available when you applied for this job?” Which was a little confusing. I wrote “always” How do I get inside? And he said “My nephew tried to get a cashier
job, but he’s got class on Tuesdays.” Ok, but the doors aren’t working. So… Then he told me to just go bang on the doors
a bunch cause the manager probably forgot to unlock them. So I did. And guess what? The manager came out and freakin’ yelled at
me! When I told him nobody ever told me about
the protocol, you know what he said? You must not have been paying attention. *deep breath in* *ARGHHH* Later, I asked one of the other new cashiers
if the protocol was even mentioned during orientation, and they told me no, they had
to have it explained to them by someone else. So not only was the manager already mad at
me for something they didn’t tell me, the flower guy was trying to get me fired! Awesome! I really tried to like that job, and some
of the people that I worked with were super nice. But one thing that I didn’t like was the garden
center. The garden register was in this glass box
with a broken fan that felt like an actual oven. And there was a security camera that I’m pretty
sure was only there to watch me, because if I walked out of the oven or sat down someone
would come out and tell me to climb back into the oven and stand up. I understand that it looks unprofessional
if an employee is sitting down all the time, but what difference does it make if nobody’s
around, for hours?! You tying to bake me like a ham? But every now and then, there would be a huge
tsunami of customers all wanting to check out at the same time. The line would wrap all the way to the back
of the store. I’m working as fast as I can, and people are
getting impatient, so I call for backup and keep working. But nobody shows up, so I get through everyone
by myself. That’s when another cashier strolls into the
garden center and asks “I thought you needed help?” I DID! 30 minutes ago! But that pales in comparison to the customers
themselves. First, I don’t know how to fix a house, but
the minute I put on that apron, everyone expects me to be some kinda skilled craftsman. *angel choir* I got paid eight bucks an hour,
*apron falls* do you think they taught me how to fix a bivalve? I don’t even know what that is! So guess what, old people? Don’t get mad at me when I don’t know how
to replace your water heater, I’m a cashier, not a plumber. One time, this old lady was unloading stuff
from her cart onto the counter real slow, and I had scanned a few things, but I had
to wait for her. Not many people know this, but cashiers are
timed from the moment the first item is scanned, and I didn’t want this lady to hurt my numbers,
so I hit the button to start over. She saw me clear the screen and started yelling
at me for slowing everything down! She was so mean for no reason. Actually, you know, this was like five years
ago. She might be dead now… Good! At the end of the summer I was so ready to
quit. I had only been there for a couple months,
but a guy can only take so much abuse, ok? And on my last day I realized: I can do anything. What are they gonna do, fire me? Here’s a little secret, cashiers where I worked
could reduce the price of anything up to $50 without needing a manager’s approval. I was so sick of being abused by customers
that I initiated project: *deep breath* Give everyone 10% off so they wouldn’t yell at
me over insignificant things and my last day wouldn’t suck as much as it would otherwise
because seriously people are so mean to cashiers why do they do that? .com I kinda felt like Oprah. You get 10% off! You get 10% off! I’m invincible! EVERYTHING IS FREE! MUAHAHA! It was a good day. Since I posted my last video I’ve gotten 120
thousand subscribers. At one point I was the fastest growing channel
in the world, *We are number one, hey!* which is terrifying, but also amazing. All I can say is thank you, to all you weirdos
who thought it was a good idea to subscribe, and to James from TheOdd1sOut, for sucking
at Tetris. I’m also flattered that people are sending
me fan art, some kid even built a shrine to me. *heavy breathing* Which is… actually troubling. Get some help. I’d like to post a video every week, but there’s
no way I can get a full animation done that quickly, so I’m thinking I should shoot for
something like what James does, alternating between telling a story and doing some kind
of quick one-off video? But I don’t know what that would look like,
so send me your ideas on Twitter. I’m always on Twitter. Did I mention I have Twitter? *real close
to the mic* Follow me on Twitter.

100 comments on “My First Job

  1. Project: Give Everyone 10% Off So They Wouldn't Yell At Me Over Insignificant Things And My Last Day Wouldn't Suck As Much As It Would Otherwise Because People Are So Mean To Cashiers Why Do They Do That?.com

  2. Booooooooooooooooooooo😠😠😠😠😡😡😡😡😡😡🤬😤😤😤😤😤😠😠😠😠😠😠😠👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻👎🏻

  3. Honestly, people always hate on the cashiers. We get bossed around like we are lower then every else!! Not to mention we don’t get paid enough to do the work we do.

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